the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
