Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
