I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
