Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
