I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
