Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
