I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
