so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
