Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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