Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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