Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
