It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
