Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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