Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
