if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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