Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
high people should be assigned attendants
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
