McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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