I think im going to throw up on grandma
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
