She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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