is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
