I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
