i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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