her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He did a backflip because drugs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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