Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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