mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
