I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
