As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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