we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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