My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
