are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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