Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
