if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
