pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
