Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
