You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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