you guys were way drunker than both of me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
