No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm at about main and main street
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
