Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
