No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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