Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
