Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
