I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
