Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
