I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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