Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
