so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
