I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
