Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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