I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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