you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
