True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I touched a dick in church today
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